Saturday, February 11, 2006

 

FAQ: Fucking Annoying Questions

Q: You're a librarian? It must be great to read books all day.

A: I'm puzzled as to why people think this. Lots of people do. Do bakers eat bread all day? Do ranchers and butchers spend their whole day wolfing down meat? We have about a quarter of a million books.

Q: You're a librarian? Oh ...

A: It's not really a question. Actually, it's not an explicit question. The implied question is "What the hell for? Did you have a closed head injury in college? Did your balls fall off?" This question often travels as "You don't look like a librarian" which means "You don't resemble the insulting stereotype I have in my mind that I saddled you with before you said it. Why don't a joke with you about it like you've never heard it."

Oh, right, the answer. "Fuck you." That's the answer.

Q: You're a librarian? Uh oh! I have overdue books!

A: You're a doctor? Great! Here's a stool sample I've been carrying with me since last week. I can you give it to my doctor when you see him? Where's that lawyer I met a minute ago? I'm sick of carrying around this bloody knife and roll of tape.

I'm just kidding. I know you don't have any overdue books. You don't look like you can read.

Q: Have you ever shushed people?

A: Ever had your ass kicked by a librarian? Hang on. It's coming.

Comments:
Ahh, Chuck, I can always count on you to make me laugh! Can we put your posts in a newspaper so that people who don't work in libraries realize how these questions are so annoying?

This is why you're a manager. Are you hiring?
 
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